Make the Pain Go Away

I feel like this might be a quote from a movie, I don't really know, but for some reason Dave and I say this to each other from time to time.

Dave and I have now been back in Atlanta for 7 months. It seems a little hard to believe. And if I am totally honest our transition back here has sucked. I knew that it was going to be hard in some ways, and anyone who has moved away and then come back to the same place will know exactly what I am talking about. You just can't fit back into the same niche as when you left.

I feel that in some ways in coming back to Atlanta I am coming back to a whole different culture. The doctors do the prego thing different here, so I have to re-learn how to be prego in America. Moms are different here and now I have to figure out how to be a mom here in America. People worry about different things, and have different views on the war. Here it is about buying a house, or buying the next house, in Germany buying a house wasn't even an option. There it was about when and where the next trip would be or if we should drive to France for dinner tonight, here leaving the city seems like a major excursion.

I keep reminding myself that I am in transition and soon I won't feel as irritated by things that I perceive are "wrong". I know that my perceptions are heightened by the fact that I am prego and have raging hormones and feel horrible. It has also been heightened by Dave's search for a permanent job. Both of those factors seem to slowly fading away, I am starting to feel better and it looks like Dave's temp job is turning permanent.

I know that I have been a pain and a putz and instead of focusing on the ways that I am similar with other moms or other people, I have been focusing on how I am different. Somehow I feel justified in my differences and I have elevated my differences to be the "right" way, instead of just "a" way.

Dave and I will always be a bit different from what I perceive the norm to be. I mean, why not move to Europe for 3 years? Why not travel to 11 countries before your first baby is 6 months old? Why not let your newborn and 19 month old share a bedroom?

But just because we have made these choices, doesn't mean that folks who make other choices are wrong. I need to offer grace, in the same way that I want grace offered to me. It is just so much easier to hold everyone to my standard...my standard is the best!

You know what is funny, is that there were people that we met in Germany that I made snap judgments about in the beginning...and after a little time they ended up being close friends. It is hard for me to admit my sin, and to see where I have failed in loving people and offering grace. Sinning sucks. I wish I could just be perfect and then I wouldn't have any of these problems!

In spite of all these insane feelings I can see the Lord's provision and providence in every step we have made since returning from Germany. We have never been late on a bill, we have always had enough to make it through the month and sometimes have even had a little to spare. We have a perfect little house, in a perfect area, where I can go to the market and feel like I am in a different country. We have a great church where the gospel is preached. We have found a home at the Abundant Life Fellowship at Intown. Our family is growing. We have had the opportunity to reconnect with old friends and connect with new ones.

If I focus on all the poo, it is hard for me to rejoice with the provisions that have been graciously handed to me from above. I need to remember that here on earth I will never fully belong, no matter where I live, no matter what I do. But one day I will belong, and one day the Lord will make all things new and right. I won't ever sin against another person, and no one will sin against me. Let that day be soon!