*These are just random thoughts about things that we are learning...
I realized the other day that I have never left a church. It seems a little weird. Even in all of my growing up years the only reason my family left a church was if we moved, and we moved to NP when I was 5. I stayed at one church virtually my entire growing up years. I went off to school, found a church my freshman year and stayed at that church until I graduated.
And then I moved here to Atl. Oooh. This almost blows my previous statement out of the water, but when my job here was an internship and I was actually assigned to disciple some high school girls at a LARGE church north of town, so I started attending. And I hated it. I remember on Sundays crying all the way there and all the way home. The pastor was great, everyone loves the pastor, but I hated looking across the theatre (seriously) and not being able to see the faces of the people on the other side. I am just SO not into that. Obviously some people are. The other day my friend said, "Yea, some people like that if they have a child who likes cherries, they can send them to a Sunday school class just for them, just for little girls that like red cherries." I laughed. Fortunately for me, after 2 months of attending that church, I randomly woke up one Sunday morning, pulled out the yellow pages (it was in 1998 folks), looked up Intown, and thought...I know where Lavista Road is. I got on Lavista and drove until I found the church. I can still remember who was leading worship, what the text of the sermon was about and who preached. I cried. This time because I knew I had found my church. Fortunately for me, the big church I was discipling kids at was in the same denomination as Intown, and had a Saturday night service, so I figured I was not totally cheating if I began to attend Intown. And I did, and I did not feel bad, well maybe only once. Since that day in December 1998, every Sunday I have been in Atlanta, I have been at Intown, save one. One Sunday we visited the Westside church plant. That was during the one week we thought we might buy a house over there. Kinda crazy.
Why do all things lead to Germany? We actually learned quite a few things while we lived there. And quite a few things about church. Like (can I say this in the PCA?) you can actually learn to worship God, even in a heretical church. It is true, because we did. And not just survive, but I would say we did learn to thrive there. Not that I necessarily recommend this. Actually I do not recommend this at all, I am just saying it is possible. I had to relearn how to worship God apart from singing my beloved hymns. After singing Majesty of the millionth time, it stopped getting on my nerves, and I was able to listen to the words and think about God, who is majestic and worthy of my worship. The funny thing is that when I stopped looking for things to complain about I enjoyed the service more. But I do not think it was just about what I did, I truly think it was a gift the Lord gave to us, to help us grow and worship him.
And the preaching...dude...crap...I could tell you stories. And you might cry, because it was just that bad. But sometimes even in the midst of a horrible sermon you would catch a glimmer of the gospel and we would just hold onto that with all our might. Thank you God for that picture of yourself. It was such a gift. It actually wasn't all bad, the last 9 months we were there was had a wonderful chaplain who gave us lots of nuggets of truth. Not what you might find in a strong church here, but enough.
It's funny because when we made it back to Atl and to Intown we just cried. I think every service for a long time just made me cry...it was so rich and meaningful and wonderful. I remember, shortly after we returned home, someone was complaining about how long a particular pastor took to do communion one Sunday. Dave and I were so upset by the comments. I just wanted to yell, you have no idea! There were times when we had gone months without taking communion (because they only did it once/month) and to come back to doing it every week was so amazing, how can you complain about it? How can you complain about having to listen to the gospel being preached? Just because he did not do it the exact way you wanted it to be done? Is that worth a complaint? Is it worth a thought?
Dave and I promised we would never complain about Intown.
Well, of course that is not true. We have complained about Intown, and I think it is a shame that I have to admit that. And I complain about stupid stuff sometimes. I mean stupid stuff. I hate that. How quickly I forget how lucky I am. Here in Atl, I can be picky, but in Germany I could not. Is it right to be picky just because I can be picky? What a snob I can be, thinking that I know the right way, and if they do not do it that way I have the right to complain!
Unfortunately the longer I am at a church, the more I know, and the more I might wish I did not know. And it sucks to know crap. It sucks to see where the church is failing or struggling. And it sucks to have friends leave and it sucks sometimes to be the one who has been left. That is what happens at church sometimes. It happened in my church in NP, at my church in college and at Intown. It sucks because often times it means that relationship is over. Over the course of 11 years my friends have changed, and that is mostly because we no longer worship at the same place on Sunday. Church is like family, and there is something important and special about worshiping together. It totally sucks when someone or something messes with that. I hate when pastors mess up, and when elders mess up, and when the congregants mess up. I hate how sometimes our sin rubs up onto other people, what a mess! But I know that happens everywhere, and it is not particular to a certain church or a certain denomination.
Sometimes I wonder what would have to happen to make me leave a church. I have no earthly idea. Sometimes God moves me into places I never thought I would go. I am sure people do not usually set out to join a church for a few years and then move on. But somehow I do think our family has been shaped by our experiences overseas, and when I think about complaining I try to remind myself of the wonderful blessings I have at Intown. It is the place where Dave and I met, where I have been taught Reformed doctrine, and where 2 of my 3 children have been baptized. It would pretty much suck to leave and I am glad we do not have to. This is a very long post and I am not exactly sure what I am saying, except that it has been something I have been thinking about a lot over the last little while...and I needed to get it out somehow. I am thankful for Intown. I love Intown. I cannot imagine worshipping anywhere else but at Intown. And I hope Dave and I have the opportunity to seek its peace and purity for years to come.
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