I feel like I see my future looming before me. I think the more I fight it and fret over it, the more certain it becomes. But, I feel like I am slowly being cornered, and I hate corners.
I went in for my check-up today, my wonderful weekly check-up. Not much to report, because there is not much done. Fred is alive, good news. I gained another pound...yea...to be expected. Oh, one piece of interesting info, according to the midwife, Fred is close to 8 pounds. Wow, that seems overly large to me, I guess we will see soon. The good news about having a large baby, I suppose, is that is one less pound I have to loose afterwards!
I turned 39 weeks this past Saturday and my due date is just 5 days away. Yea! As I chatted with my midwife, she let me know that the other midwife is going out of town next week (which is a bummer since I really like her), so while there will be a midwife on call this week and next, over the weekend there will be a doctor. OK, well good information to have, I am not anti-doctor, so that is fine with me. I just chose a midwife because I thought they would be more supportive of having the baby without drugs...but now I am really starting to wonder. Immediately upon telling me that a doctor would be on call this weekend, she asked, "Would you like to be induced?"
OK, OK, let me get this straight, I am 39 weeks, I want to have a natural birth (as in go into labor on my own, and no drugs, which all happened with Hadleigh), and the midwife is asking my if I want to be induced so that she can deliver the baby as opposed to the doctor. I am so confused. At almost every visit they have encouraged me about how wonderful it was that I went into labor unassisted with Hadleigh, and how that means I will likely go into labor unassisted with Fred...blah...blah...blah...and so this felt like a jab.
First of all, I was confused because since I want a normal labor, why would I choose to kick start it with pitocin? And from what I hear, if I did kick start with pitocin, it would be unlikely to handle contractions without an epidural. So, by being induced I am basically throwing what I want away...all so that a midwife can deliver the baby. But the other confusing thing to me, is that if I am having pitocin and an epidural, why the heck do I need a midwife? I think that I can sit in bed and chill out just fine on my own, thanks.
The other thing, is that it just shot my confidance that this baby is actually going to come on its own/in a decent amount of time. So, now, I am sitting here, worrying about not going into labor, having my whole family in my house and me getting induced on November 9 because the baby didn't come. I just didn't need that stress voiced outloud. It was already in my head, but then to have the midwife say it...was very frustrating.
So, here I am completely healthy, with a healthy baby. Blood pressure perfect as always 104/68, 5 days before my due date, not overly uncomfortable (I mean really, what prego woman doesn't want to have her baby by this stage?), sleeping as well as I can be (I only had to get up once last night), went into labor on my own last time with a healthy baby and no comlications, and instead of encouraging me to hang in there, and that the baby will come soon, I get a slap in the face and asked if I want to be induced. Ugh.
So, we received an advertisement in our netflix envelope for a new "movie" I guess more documentary called "The Business of Being Born". You can see the trailer at the website. Dave and I watched the trailer for it last night and chuckled to ourselves. You never know about these things and their Michael Moore-ish political agenda... I had a great medical experience in Germany, but I am SO against socialized medicine it is not even funny. I do think the majority of doctors care about their patients and the babies...but I also think that if they can speed labors along, or just plan labors it makes life easier for them...and since we Americans like to plan too, it seems to be a decent situation for most.
Anyway, all of this almost makes me die hard determined to do it my way and show everyone. But then the other side of me wonders...if the more I draw myself up against this (being induced) the more likely it will be to happen to me. Ugh! =) How is that for trusting in the Lord's plan and timing? Nice. Sorry for my rant, but...the whole thing was really discouraging.
2 comments:
Amy - I'm so encouraging you in your desire to let Fred come when she comes. I'm behind you 100% in your desire to have a natural birth and tell you to put away your worries and anxieties and just chalk up the midwife's insensitive comments to ignorance. This baby is going to be just fine and anyway, you are in God's hands and He's with you every step of the way. Keep those spirits up girlie. Make me proud!
- From a single girl who has no idea what it is like to be preggo or give birth but hopes to one day and is inspired and encouraged by your desire and ability to have a natural birth.
She will come, in God's time, by His grace. He will watch over little (or big!) Fred and her mama. "For you formed my inward parts; you covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well...Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them." (Psalm 139:13-14, 16)
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