I Used to Care...

Sometimes I still do care what other people think about the different things I am doing, but a lot of times I am just happy to do my own thing and let everyone else do theirs. I think I have the responsibility to make decisions that are best for my family and my children, and I would think that everyone else is doing the same thing. If I don't want to do something, I'll probably just tell you. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, or that I think you are wrong for doing it, it just means that I'm not doing it. (I must mention here that while there are some things that I really don't care what others think, there are some things that I really DO care what others think...I'm not totally ice-man.)

It's no surprise that these days I'm a little more emotional than normal. I get a little more worked up about things than I normally might, and I care a little more about things than on an average day. I'm fragile. But last week I got some news that pushed me over the edge...wait for it...it is earth-shattering news...I have to find a new preschool for my girls. Ugh! This fall, our current preschool is only offering one option for children who are 4. The option is to go to school for 4 days. And for my family that is too much.

Everyone has their own reasons for sending their kiddos to preschool, but mine go something like this...I just want one morning a week where I have the opportunity to go to the grocery store alone, or get a pedicure alone, or sit in my house and read a book alone, or clean the house and cook alone (which I used to do before I got prego). And I want my girls to go to a place where they can play outside, do some fun art projects, sing some fun songs, and enjoy being kids. I do not care about curriculum, I honestly do not expect them to learn one thing (it always seems to surprise me when I realize that they learned something), not because I do not want them to learn anything, but because that is not why I am sending them to preschool. I am confident that Dave and I can teach them everything they need to know at this point. So learning is not important to me (right now). So, if that is my motivation, why in the world would I want my girls to go to school 4 days every week?

I totally freaked out when I realized that was the only option, because I knew for us that would not be an option. And then because we do not know what we want to do for future schooling for the girls, the whole situation was blown out of proportion. You know the drill, Dave and I are sitting on the couch after the girls are in bed. I'm retelling the situation...crying...asking him if I'm a good mother...and it deteriorates from there. We have since found a decent option with another preschool where I will have sign up both girls for 3 days, but (since Dave has Fridays off) I will only be sending them 2 days. Because we have to register in a couple weeks we will go ahead and try to get the girls in the classes (though it is a pretty popular preschool, so I am not fully confidant that we will be able to get into the classes). If we cannot get in, we will try to get on the waiting list, and see what happens. And in the mean time I'm going to start thinking about what life might look like if both girls are home with me and the baby in the fall. Who knows, maybe that is the best scenario for our family?